_______ A Beautiful Lie

ugh

listenin to; my immortal - evanescence

no sleep.
fake smiles.
running tears.
forced laughter.
suicidal thoughts.

this is wat i've experienced for da past two weeks or so. but last nite was da worst of all. i was so damn tired at 2am. wanted to get some slp. but i ended tossing n turning. oni went to slp at like 3plus. da whole time dat i was tryin to slp, my mind keep on running. elsewhere. it scares da hell out of me cos while i'm trying to get some slp, my mind is somewhere else. n i can see them vividly.

at da rate i'm goin nw, i don tink i can hold out any longer. flashing smiles at people. fake ones. laughin at their jokes. unreal laughs. all of tis juz drained out all of my energy. faster den i thought. havin little energy n da need to be hyper juz makes me depressed. so depressed dat i end up cryin bitterly to myself every end of da day. for da past two weeks or so.

trying hard to overcome those suicidal thoughts. but it seems to be a part of me oreadi. everywhere i went, i would tink of seeing myself lying in a pool of blood somewhere. its drivin me crazy. but i don tink anyone would understand. they would just tink dat i'm crazy too.

anw. i saw u online yest. juz when i gave up on waitin for u. we talked as usual. crappy stuffs. u sounded diff though. nicer. how i wished u werent nicer. how i wish u were like ur usual self. but i gotta admit. i like it when ur nicer. but i hate it too. cos i don wan to fall for u. it will be a mistake to.

*i just wan to be alone. n disappear........

lisaaaaa penned a beautiful lie
at 11:25 pm

Lisaaaaa ;
TwentyOne ; 310387 ;
~~NP sch of BA~~ ;
Dragonboat ; Safra DB ;

021208 . Adek's 19th .
061208 . Hamx off to Sydney .
081208 . Hari Raya Haji .
131208 . Lunch wif Fss frens .
251208 . X'mas .

bangkok ;
europe ;
aussie. again ;
do pull ups ;
toned biceps ;
toned deltoids ;
toned triceps ;